A lot of people are skeptical about where Ron Weasley is today, and why he seemingly fell off of the map in their lives. This is a normal feeling. Ron was a huge part of many people’s lives for way too many years. Realistically, he attended Hogwarts for way too long, and though he probably shouldn’t have been admitted in the first place, he should have definitely been dismissed after year 4. He clearly had a very hands-on-case of ADHD, and he didn’t care to hide it, or even take medication. I think everyone can agree that in regards to the butterfly effect, had Ron not been admitted in the first place, perhaps the school would still be thriving, and many many lives would have been saved. Ron was the downfall of the entire trilogy, but I am not here to preach to the choir.
I am here to spill the beans on what was really going on at Hogwarts….and for everyone that was living under a rock for the past couple of years, it involved Ron’s piping hot beef sausage and Hermoine’s glistening hatchet wound, but you’d never guess how it all ended. You would be a complete fool to try to say that you have never thought about a sexual encounter between Ron and Hermoine, and that’s because there was sexual tension from the start, and that’s exactly what J.K. Bowling meant to do. Harry Twater never had the balls to tell Hermoine how he felt, and he sure as hell never did any more than touched her leg. While he was busy chasing the only Asian person in the school, Ron was planting his seed metaphorically and literally.
One key aspect that people fail to realize is that Hermoine is no more to the entire story than a drug. If you don’t believe me, take the letter M out of her name. This is why she was added to the story, to ruin lives, and create a clear path of destruction, destroying friendships every year. She knew right away that in order to make her name in the castle, she needed to have Ron inside of her as quick as possible. Let’s take a look at a very early part of the story when Hermoine spots the dirt on Ron’s nose. Why the fuck would she be looking at his nose like that? She didn’t give a rat’s ass what he was talking about, and I can guarantee you she probably didn’t listen to one word. She was staring at his mouth and imagining what it could do, and she accidentally wandered those slutty little eyes up to his nose, where she couldn’t help but see some dirt.
Let us please fast forward to The Chamber of Secrets. This is the year Harry thinks he can bag any girl in the castle and gets extremely lucky at the Quidditch tryouts, which I think we can all agree was a complete crock of shit. What everyone failed to realize is that Ron and Hermoine were in the stands together every practice, and Ron’s fingers didn’t see the light of day for 3 months. Ron finally gets a crack at the stupid ass sport, and he starts burping up shit. Who is right beside him?? Oh, what do you know…Hermoine is right there watching him burp the shit up, and praying to Dumbledore that that’s not the gonorrhea he ate off of her last night, finally having an effect on his stomach.
Hermoine never loved Ron…She never wanted to be attached at the hip with this person for the rest of her life. She wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was to be pinned against a magic bookcase, with no feeling in her legs. If you think I am at all full of shit, then have a look at this. This was a key scene in The Prisoner of Azkaban.
What you’re seeing here is Ron with the standard dumbass look he has the entire movie, and Hermoine with a condescending facial expression, like someone just asked her if they could borrow her toothbrush. But look what is in her arms…an orange cat. What color is the hair on Ron’s head, meaning what color is that fire crotch? What you’re seeing in this picture is Hermoine hinting that she wants Ron’s fire crotch to be held against her. Don’t believe me?? Good….because let us flash forward to the beginning of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Who is at Ron’s house first, at the beginning of the movie? That’s right…weeks before school was supposed to start, Ron had sent her a message saying his parents would be out of town, and that she was more than welcome to slide through. It was seemingly the only time in the entire year that they would be alone. The only problem is that when you’re sending messages with a fucking owl, everything takes longer. Turns out the second message he wrote, which read “nevermind, they’re not leaving” took too long, and Hermoine was already on her way. Of course, Ron’s narcissistic parents didn’t think twice about it, but you could see in Ron’s face that his already blue balls were starting to ache.
When Fleur kisses Ron….To many this would seem like a pivotal moment in the history of the relationshit of Ron and Heroine. The look on her face says it all right? Wrong again…Hermoine is a very smart individual, unlike Ron. She sees things differently than a lot of people, being that she is always looking for an advantage. What does she do in this case?? She grabs the biggest douche in the castle, Viktor Krum, and she allows him to stuff her like a Thanksgiving Turkey. After the pounding, he invites her to his family’s Summer Holidays, but Hermoine has already clearly made a list of guys (from all four houses) that she plans to go down on that summer. The picture below is the exact moment that Viktor explained the size of his erection and Hermoine was just plotting where to put it, to fuck with Ron the most.
But did she have bad intentions because she was jealous? Did she actually love him? The answer is no. She only went down on Viktor a half dozen times to make two very important people jealous. Let’s take a look back at all of these points, and have the truth revealed. She comes into the train car to show some titty and toss a few spells around, and at the end of the encounter, she mentions that Ron has dirt on his nose. Why does she care? She wants to test him. She wants to prove to him that he has no observation skills and that he will forever be inferior to her, in a sense that nothing will go unnoticed to her, and everything will go unnoticed to him. This is key, in regards to what I am about to tell you. Watch this video, and notice how obvious it is that she is asserting her dominance over Ron, yet making him think that she wants to get into a young Harry’s pants.
Why is Hermoine so worried about Ron throwing up frozen eddies out of his stomach? This is not because she is worried about him at all. Trust me, she could give a baker’s fuck about what is coming out of his stomach. She wanted to get his ass to Hagrid’s place so she could have some alone time with George Weasley. See she never did love Ron. Ron was a cover-up. Ron was the face of a 7-year stint of Hermoine getting plowed by two people….Fred and George Weasley. Watch this video, and note the face she makes when Fred and George’s father is insulted by Malfoy. She then says “at least no one on the Gryffindor Team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.” Being that Ron is not on the team, she is clearly referring to George Weasley in this scene, and judging by the tone she has, she was already riding his Nimbus 2001, in that dirty little head of hers.
Still not convinced? Great because we’re just getting started. Earlier I had mentioned that because of the cat in her crotch, she was subtly hinting that she wanted Ron’s fire crotch. This is not true. She wanted a fire crotch to be held against her, but not Ron’s…She wanted Fred and George’s. She only purchased the cat because she wanted it to scare away Ron’s rat, hopefully leading him to chase it off of the moving train. This was obvious.
What wasn’t so obvious was the misread message with the stupidest owl in the world. Errol is his name. He was the family owl and had been for years. I would venture to say that he was almost as dumb, blind, and oblivious as Ron in this trilogy. See Ron never sent the messages in the Goblet of Fire, telling Hermoine to come over because his parents were out of town…Fred and George did. They sent the first message telling her to come over, and it worked flawlessly. The second message never made it, leading Hermoine to come alone. This is all foreshadowed in the Chamber of Secrets, the first time Harry visits the Weasley household….In fact, this exact thing had been going on, even back then. Watch this video below, and note how effortlessly the borthers know to sneak in the back door. Think they’ve done that before!? Yes….with Hermoine. They happen to know how to drive the flying car in the middle of the night, without any sort of navigation….Yes they do, they’ve done it dozens of times…with Hermoine. Then, finally I want you to notice how Ginny asks where her jumper is…In a family of all boys and an obese mother…I would like to know who the fuck would take the size small jumper….Hermoine did, and George and Fred, being the raging alcoholics they are, blamed it on the cat, knowing full well that their oblivious mother would believe them. Finally, I would like you to notice the owl. Because this is a key part..When the owl hits the window with a message, the eldest son Percy says “He is always doing that,” and glances up at Fred and George. That’s because he is aware of what has been going on, and he wants them to know that one day that could lead to them getting caught. If only they had listened and stopped sending the messages, then Hermoine would not have shown up unannounced and possibly blown her cover.
So there you have it…Who knows..maybe by the end of it, Hermoine had actually fallen in love with Ron. There is no way of proving that information, and quite frankly, I don’t think anyone really cares. The point here is that it was obvious that Hermoine was sneaking around Ron and Harry’s backs, and she was consistently on a Weasley Train that had no seats for Ron, her future husband. The evidence is there, and it sticks out like a sore thumb. I hope anyone who read this can see Hermoine and the entire Harry Potter cast for what they really are. Phonys. Case closed. Expell the-Armus. Expect the Patron um